Cold is a relative thing . . .

 
60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in South Dakota plant gardens.
 
50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Sioux Falls sunbathe.

40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in South Dakota drive with the windows down.

32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Oahe gets thicker.

20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in South Dakota throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in South Dakota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
 
Zero:
People in Miami all die.
South Dakotans close the windows.
 
10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico .
People in South Dakota get out their winter coats.
 
25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in South Dakota are selling cookies door to door.
 
40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in South Dakota let the dogs sleep indoors.
 
100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
South Dakotans get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van.
 
460 (-459.67 F below zero):
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero, zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in South Dakota start saying..."Cold 'nuff fer ya?"
 
and last not but not least.....
 
500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
South Dakota public schools will open 2 hours late.